Wednesday, July 02, 2008


Finally, realize that God doesn't make mistakes. One of my closest friends relates that when she was a new bride at twenty-three years old, she was very shaken up when she discovered that her sweet husband had this thought-life issue. She cried out to God, "Why did You create him like this?" And then she realized: God did create him like this, and He said His creation was good. We may be fallible, but we are created the way we are for a purpose.

This quote from Shaunti Feldhahn's book For Women Only captures the essence of her book. Since TODR and I have gone through the Love and Respect seminar the concepts in this book are not new to me. They were new to me just a year ago and I believe they are incredibly important. We women think, breath and function in the language of love. Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs would say that we have pink hearing aids, pink sunglasses and pink megaphones. I think many people in our "love dominated culture" assume that men and women speak the same language. This book with its myth-shattering titles blow the pink whistle for us loud and clear. Titles like "Your love is NOT enough, Why Your Respect Means More to Him than Even Your Affection" and "Sex Changes Everything, Why Sex Unlocks a Man's Emotions (Guess Who Holds the Key?) Again Eggerichs would put it in terms of color; Men have blue hearing aids, blue sunglasses and blue megaphones. This book translates our men's respect issues or blue needs into pink so we women can understand.

Our culture often depicts men as a bunch of clods who have no desire to be romantic.
We even put that kind of sentiment on everything from cards and magnets to T-shirts. It is considered acceptable. Yet if we said that all blacks were idiots, we would be racist. If we said women were subhuman, we would be chauvinist pigs. So why is it okay to do that to our men that were created in the image of Almighty God? I think the Biblical answer is that it isn't acceptable. I think this book also helps women understand why it is also downright detrimental to our marriages and relationships with our men. It also tells us why. Isn't it easier to meet a need when we understand where that person is coming from? If we marginalize a person's needs simply because we don't understand we have marginalized that person.

I have come to see how we women can unwittingly marginalize our men simply because we don't understand their needs. If you want to join me in unlocking the secrets of the great guy you are married to then I would highly recommend this book. Warning: It has brain-twisting ideas in it that you might need to pray through, but you and your men will appreciate the effort. I say men because it helps with all relationships from brothers to sons and even our girlfriends because of how we talk about our men to them.

So buy, borrow (just don't steal) a copy of this book. Strap yourselves in, it's going to be a bumpy ride.


Sharon said...

Wow, Kendra, this sounds like a must read book ;) Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

With great regret and remorse I confess that I have not always uplifted or shown proper respect to my husband. It disturbs me greatly to think how in the past I have belittled him without even catching a clue.
I was raised under the belief that if he (husband) couldn't or wouldn't take the responsibility to respond to a situation . . . then you (wife) dealt with the situation. That usually spells disaster for all.

Kendra, thank you for bringing "Love and Respect" to my attention.
Love you and I pray that you have a great birthday :)

Heath Clan said...

Thanks for stopping by Sharon. How I miss you being close by, but I know that you love your new house. It is also so much closer to your hubby's work.

I have truly learned a lot going through all the Love and Respect stuff. I kind of figure God gave it to Brian and I because we need to go over more than anybody else:)

I know what you mean about the leading kind of thing. It is part of that dratted curse. You know where it says that our desire is for our husband? I always thought it was weird because I didn't understand that it means our desire is to try and take his position of leadership. Yikes! It also means that we have to always rely on the Lord to not do what comes so naturally to us. Remember it is all about grace my friend.